Enough is Enough

It has rained a lot this month. According to an article in the SF Chronicle today, "just one more day of rain will tie the record -- 23 days in 1904 -- for the San Francisco March with the most rainy days". I have always loved cold, gray, gloomy weather, but this is starting to get to me. I am finding it to be the anti-motivator. It instills this desire to create a micro-home-environment within the parameters of the couch, turning it into a bed in order to read or watch movies and tivo all day long. Only taking breaks to eat, drink or use the toilet. Ah! The American Dream.

Despite my free spirited nature, I am somewhat adverse to change - particularly when things are good. Right now, the huge corporation I work for is about to be bought out by an even bigger corporation, and there is no way of knowing whether I will still have a job. I am using all my mental energy to stay positive, and remember that everything happens for a reason, as well as let go of the financial fears of having no money again. I need to believe in that greater plan which I know exists, and to trust that I am where I'm meant to be.

There was a house across the street from my high school, with a sign on the lawn that read: If you lived here, you'd be home by now. I always thought this was some poetic signpost for the neighbors, but eventually found out it was a real estate advertisement. Up until that moment of clarification, I had always found that sign comforting, it made me feel safer. It was cozy and inviting. I felt like it reaffirmed my idea about being exactly where you were supposed to - following an invisible guide along your own life path.

In truth, I think these changes are always the universe testing me, ensuring that I can actually practice what I preach. A test to ensure that I am that flexible fish, swimming with the currents and tides, instead of upstream against all the other fishes. Sometimes I waver, and feel like I'm bumping into every sea creature along the way, constantly saying, "Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse me. Pardon me." I think we are always aware when we do this -- go in the wrong direction. But sometimes it just can't be helped.

On Saturday I was at Melissa and Erik's place, and a pole fell on my head. It hurt like hell, and I had a big bump for a few days. But right after it happened, all I could think was, "What is the universe trying to tell me?" It doesn't get more literal than a smack upside the head.

There was some rejection this week, from arts organizations I had applied to for various things. Including the ever famous Skowhegan Arts Residency. I have applied four times now, and all have been rejections. Someone I knew in San Diego explained he applied 8 times before he got in, so I have always used that as my marker. But in a way, at this point I think it's futile to continue applying for something that seems a sure loser. It's dampens the spirit and I am fraught with self doubt afterwards. More so than usual.

I wonder if the pole was a message to stop applying for a while. To stop my busy bee tendencies, and just exist for a while. To just make work in the studio, and enjoy the quiet. Enjoy the sounds of never ending raindrops falling on the skylights...

I felt so old

When I was a teenager, living in South Africa, I loved the band Sisters of Mercy. They were mine and mine alone. I didn't like them because of someone else, or because they reminded of someone else. They were just played a lot at the clubs I went to, and they made me feel better when I was depressed. This is kind of weird when I think back on it now, because they have a very depressing sound. A lot like The Cure, I suppose. I dreamed of seeing them in concert one day when I would be in a country they'd actually come and play. But by the time I moved back to the US, they were only touring with music festivals in the UK. Figures...

This year they are doing their first US tour in who-knows-how-long. I was so excited when I found out. Max (and everyone else I asked) was not interested, so I bought myself one ticket for the Warfield, fairly near the front upstairs. Again, I must state that I was so excited. It felt like my life was coming full circle in a way.

Here are my reasons why the show sucked:

1. I Sat sandwiched between two very fat people. (Think Chris Farley on SNL, when he yells at someone 'leave me alone I'm starving!')
2. The band fogged out the entire auditorium, including the lobby outside, the bar and the t-shirt booths. Because of this, I did not actually get to see the band. At one point the lights shone through the fog and I could see there were 3 people. I don't know if there even was a drummer or not.
3. The lead singer didn't say two words to the audience. I actually didn't even know he had walked on, until he started singing. That's how little you could see of the stage.
4. I paid $60 for my ticket.
5. The staff were forced to open all doors and windows beyond the auditorium to get rid of the fog, so it was freezing.

After 1.5 hours I walked out along with droves of other people. There were lots of people who had moved out to the bar and were just sitting on couches drinking, and chatting. And when I finally walked out onto the street (you cant go back in once you leave) I saw a lot of people there as well. People just as sick of the fog...

As one person posted on Craigslist:

I could not believe all I saw was fog all nite and they were just sampling
everything!! No drummer? No bass player?? What a rip off!! Should have stayed
home and listened to the album in the dark!!

And I realized that there was no coming full circle. What was good back then may not be good now. And the fact that I couldn't find anyone to join me at the show was probably a sign.

NYC: I Love Thee

Finally I have plowed through all the photos, and uploaded them. I've also had a few days to reflect on the trip to New York, and I'm ready to write about it. (All links lead to Flickr)

First: let me say that Melissa and I stayed in a gorgeous apartment. We were given the 2nd bedroom/bathroom combination, and this made all the difference. Having a place to stay where we weren't forcing someone out of their bed, or sleeping on their couch was so nice. Not to mention that having stomach flu the first day and spending some quality time on the toilet was a much smaller ordeal knowing I wasn't hogging the only bathroom in the place.

Second: I must mention the exquisite weather we experienced while there. Having packed for the expected cold weather I usually experience there in March, I barely wore half of it. There were actually days where we left the apartment without our coats! For the most part it was sunny, breezy and blue skies. Big 'ups' to God for providing this on our trip-it made all the difference in the world.

Third: there is the art we saw. We went to the Whitney the first day, and spent a long time mowing through all the work. We started at the top, and worked our way down each floor, giving all our attention to the work presented. I am sad to say that in a show with over 100 artists, there were just over a dozen that inspired me, and the rest I found either grim, uninteresting or poorly made. Melissa and I agreed that it was not a good show, and decided we needed some cheering up after walking out of there. Works we did like included Jennie Smith, Florian Maler-Aichen, Monica Majoli, Nari Ward, Hannah Greely, Jim O'Rourke and a video by T. Kelly Mason and Diane Thater. My favorite was definitely Amy Blakemore's medium format photographs, taken with a junky Diana camera, which Melissa and I now want to try using. Instead of buying the catalog, we opted for a modest book about Blakemore and her work. Having been to the last Whitney Biennial, I was sad to admit that this one wasn't nearly as inspiring. I have no images of this, and photos aren't allowed in the museum.

Fourth: We spent an overwhelming day at the Armory, looking through both piers at an enormous amount of work. Rather than taking notes here, I used my camera as a sketchbook. I did this last time as well, and it proved very useful. Melissa did the same, and at some point soon we will exchange images to compare 'notes'. With far more work to see, it seems obvious that I'd find more to be inspired by. For this reason, I think it would be unfair to compare the two, but I certainly liked the Armory show more. We were also able to find Matthew Higgs, sitting at the White Columns booth, to say hello. I love Matthew, and was very excited to see him, even if only for a few minutes.

Fifth: Organizing Ben's studio. When I moved into mine last Fall, Ben was in town. He had his mom's space station minivan, and he spent 2 weeks helping me move my stuff out of storage and into the studio; setting up shelves and putting everything away. He really helped me to make it the workable space that it is now. Subsequently, he has moved into a space near his apartment, and he needed help organizing. We went to the container store and picked out numerous things to help make life easier. I took before and after pics, and we were both impressed with how much better things looked when we were done. It literally took until 9pm, but we got it done. I thought his space had such a nice vibe, and there was so much to see. This guy doesn't fuck around. He makes a ton of work! It was also very inspiring.

Sixth: My friends. It is very hard when those you care about the most are far away, and I really loved hanging out with Ben and Jose so soon after my birthday last year. Both of them have beautiful homes, adorable pets and seem to be happy in their lives. What more could I hope for?! I gave Ben and Jose and full day alone. Ben's was spent in his studio. Jose's was spent going to the movies, because he told me: That's what we do. This is true. No one sees as many movies as we do, other than Jose. That evening we hung out at his place, watched tv, and ate delicious burritos. I was thrilled that the place made vegan burritos (black beans, brown rice and soy cheese) It was very relaxing, and I felt so ate home, lying on the couch with his dog Sasha next to me. Traveling with Melissa was like floating on a cloud. She is so easy going, and just went with the flow... Bringing excellent restaurant recommendations, dancing with me at a Bulgarian Disco and putting up with all my annoying diet restrictions and general annoying habits was just par for the course with her. She is a fantastic travel companion, and I had a blast with her. We also met Ben's boyfriend Dustin. It's official, we adore him! Who knew that in the end Ben wouldn't be the funny one. This guy had us laughing so hard there were tears.

And lastly, New York City: I love you. This is a place where things are happening 24 hours a day. Whatever I needed, there was a place that sold it. The cab drivers all knew where they were going, and the cost of a ride was dramatically cheaper than San Francisco. I never felt unsafe, and everyone we talked to was so friendly. While eating lunch one day, Melissa, Jose and I started talking to a very nice woman next to us, who ended up writing down a two page list of restaurant recommendations - specifically for vegan and vegetarian diets. We ate dinner the next night at Counter, and will forever be in her debt. This is now officially my favorite vegan place to eat, possibly in the world! I once wrote about almost going to New York instead of San Francisco for school. I don't know what would have happened if I'd continued with that choice, because I love the laid back nature of California, and I love the life we've built here. Visiting a city isn't the same if there aren't people living there who can show you around, share yummy eats with you and their special little parks and places of interest. It feels good to know that New York is there for me whenever I want it, and I suppose I have the best of both worlds, having my cake and eating it too.

I miss New York already

I just returned from a visit to NYC with Melissa, and even though I had my laptop with me, I didn't have any time to blog remotely. It was that much fun! I spent most of the day yesterday in transit, and I am about to leave for work. So, consider this post a teaser if you will. I have lots to report on, and more photos than you probably want to see. In the meantime, I will say that it was amazing, and I miss it already.

Home Decor

I walked past this little shop in the neighborhood the other day, and saw this shell in the window. It's really big, and being used/sold as a plant pot. This could sound really cheesy, but it looked so beautiful. These are the things that home decorators are good at doing. They took something essentially grundgy from the sea, and made it into a beautiful home ornament. I was so impressed. Of course the price tag almost caused a heart attack, but none the less I took the photo. $1299.00

The Fine Young Germans

Max is lucky enough to still be friends with a few people he's known since childhood. Kiki (Christian) and Max have known eachother since they were babies in a crib together. I've actually seen these photos, so I know it's true! He visited this week with his girlfriend and some other close friends, and last night there was a farewell dinner and drinks.

I have always enjoyed my visits to Germany, and the people' I've met there have all been very friendly, hospitable people. The biggest challenge has always been the language barrier. Hopefully my German lessons will pay off, and eventually I'll be able to respond as much as I understand at some point. These 5 people all speak english, and it was so nice getting to know them. They were all friendly, interesting, funny people. And I think Max really enjoyed having one of his very best friends in town.

What always amazes me about the people I've known from Europe is how they truly immerse themselves when they visit the States. These guys started their trip in the Midwest, where I believe they bought a horse, and then went to Vegas, DuBois, San Diego, Los Angeles and finally San Francisco -- all in the comfort of a minivan! They managed to drive around the city and see a lot of it. I am so inspired by this. No GPS. Just a paper map and some good company. I love it...

Is that a dude?

While searching for some new workout clothes online today, I couldn't help but notice this weird image on the Target website. It's supposedly a woman's jacket, but the mannequin looks very masculine (minus the boobs). Does anyone think this image seems as off-kilter?

Sherpa Birthday

Last week was my brother's birthday. It's actually the day after my dad's. February is a big month in my family, and Max's. His sister and my father share the same day, and his grandfather would have celebrated his 100th that day as well. Lots of Aquarius/Pisces cusp goin' on the hizzie. Of course Megan planned a super surprise party at a local favorite in North Beach, and Shaun was definitely surprised! Melissa and Erik brought along their new pet Sherpa, who was very eager to be in an as many of the party photographs as possible. At the end of the night, we took a cab home, and happened to bump into the famous San Francisco twins. They were kind enough to have their photo taken with Sherpa as well.



Shaun would like to imagine that this image was made possible by my time travel to the future, in order to get a photo with the Olsen Twins as geriatrics. More pics here.