For someone who don't like to fly, I sure do it often enough

I flew to the east coast for my mom's birthday today. In the bathroom at the airport I saw these signs, and had to laugh. First of all, it's pretty obvious that the surface isn't flat - duh! And second, why are there no coat hooks inside the stalls anymore? Is this now a terrorist hazard, post 9-11?

Broken People

This evening Max and I went to hear writer Paul Auster speak. I anticipated a packed house, but instead a third of the theater was empty. This is what it's come to. As he mentioned in the Q&A period, America is anti-intellectualism. A tiny portion of the country's population reads, and if he were to walk down the street outside of New York, no one would know who he was. This country is far more interested in Brad and Angelina's unborn child than Augusten Burroughs or Alice Hoffman.

He explained that he believes writers are 'broken. And the world is not enough. This is why we make up stories." I really liked this - I think it applies to artists and musicians as well. We are essentially communicators. Trying to put these 'broken' pieces back together again. Make something whole. Make something up. Make something out of nothing. And create a sense of connection we so deeply long for.

This, in my opinion, is the truest factor in creation -- connection. I took this as far as I could push it with my MFA show. I wanted to be close to the world. To strangers. And it was an amazing experience, but I feel I burned that chapter as a result. Ran the well dry. I've had a hard time of it since then in the studio. I have still continued to make bits and pieces, but I am definitely at a point where I need to rethink things. In a way, unlearn the process I gained in grad school. I am trying desperately to find ideas that aren't as academic as they were. I'm trying to bring back the inspiration I felt before I worried about the ideas or concepts - the work I couldn't explain, but had to get out of me. I suppose the beautiful thing is that I have my whose life to do this and figure it out...

I recently started asking some artists I know to give me assignments - both for art making and reading. I welcome anyone's suggestions! And I hope that this will help bring new perspectives and problems solving to the forefront.

Goodbye Little Ern

On Sunday Melissa And Erik had to have one of their cats (Ernie) put to sleep. He has been sick for the last three years, and they were prolonging things by giving him daily insulin shots and then more recently a lot of other things as well. His brother Simon was very sad yesterday, and we went over there to see him and give everyone some extra love. As soon as we arrived he came over and snuggled in. He is such a love bug. He also went to his food a few times and ate, which Melissa said he had not being doing. Simon is the sweetest cat I've ever known, and always makes me feel better by paying attention to me. Last night he lay in his new cat condo, while I pet him. A few times he looked right into my eyes, and I felt so sad for him. Apparently he has been looking all over for Ernie.

I haven't had a pet since the early 90's. My dog Max was more human than dog. And when we had to move back to South Africa for a few years, someone we knew adopted him. It was heartbreaking. It was that bad even though I knew we'd see him again one day. So I can't imagine losing a pet forever...

Goodbye sweet Ernie. You will be missed. See you in the next life.

Simon (brown), Ernie (black).

The brothers hanging out and giving love.

Living at the grocery store

We did a small grocery shop today, and I saw these logs in the corner. Which made me laugh and have dirty thoughts. So I did what anyone like me would do, and took a picture of it to share with you!

Bathrooms for 25 cents

On my way to meet Max in the Mission last night, I received the following text message. I laughed so loud, that people on the subway train turned to look at me.

"Ok, if you ever have the choice between using the public restroom at the subway stop here or snapping your own neck, choose the latter."

What's in a name?

The other night we took a cab, and the driver's name was Tiger. And if that's not funny enough, I will share that this introduction immediately reminded me of high school, and the Vice Principal that used to call me 'Tiger'. I distinctly remember walking down the halls once and hearing him yell out, "Get to class Tiger!".

Shower and Tart

Yesterday was full of excitement. We started off at a baby shower for Libby and Jen, which was jam packed. Those ladies are popular, and that baby boy will have lots of people who love him when he arrives. We hung out with Deborah and Laurel and caught up on what's going on. Jen is one of the most beautiful pregnant woman I've ever seen. She is literally glowing. I am so happy for both of them and can't wait to meet the newest member of their family.

Lauren, Libby, Deborah and Laurel

We then had dinner at our place. Our guests were Deborah, Chris and Ruth. Max, without doubt, surpassed himself. He made a leek tart that was phenomenal! And the main course included salmon, fingerling potatoes and poached leeks. Truly awesome!

More photos here.

Girl time

Yesterday afternoon was spent in the studio working on some paintings. Ashley was working on some last minute things for a show in New York, and Susan came over to hang out. There was such a good vibe, and we talked about some pretty girly stuff. Which we all agreed was a good thing! Mostly I was just enjoying the working process and ability to chat while I did it. It reminded me of Undergrad and high school even, but not grad school. Strange... I think in grad school I spent most of my art-making time alone. I have heard from many people that most MFA's take a few years after grad school to recover and un-learn or forget everything they did while they were there. Perhaps I am reverting to the time before grad school then. I recently went through a lot of old work that had been in storage and threw away 60% of it. For many years I have been afraid to do this, but afterwards I literally felt lighter. In fact it was liberating.

Susan looking at Ashley's new website

Dinner with new friends

I got a call the other day from my friend Chris, who lives in Boston. He asked if I wanted to have coffee this week, which of course surprised me. You can imagine the shock when he mentioned he just got in the car last week and drove to California. He's never been here before, and seemed happy to have arrived. I've known Chris since I was 13 years old. He dated a friend of mine from high school, and when I left for college we lost touch. Over the years I have always wondered what became of him, and then last summer he emailed me, having found me online. I suppose if the website is good for nothing else, at least there's that.

He is staying with friends - Pam and Tom. Last night we met all three of them for dinner. I actually remember Pam from high school, when Chris first met her. When we were younger he was fast paced, energetic, intense and unafraid to show him emotions and cry. This was something I loved about him. He knew me through my two most serious boyfriends in high school, and even though he went to college to study art - we never talked about art-making. Now he is a calm, centered, quiet man. Still very sensitive, but much more in tune with his emotions. It amazed me that more than a decade has passed between us, and yet when I am in his company now - I feel that same warmth I did when I was 13.

After dinner I took these photos of them. We've decided that should they ever form a rock band, this would be their album cover.

Chris, Pam, Tom

Too much sauce

Max tells me, "Some people search for the holy grail. I am just trying to find a way to combine apple sauce and horseradish." This was in response to my news that I bought us some apple blackberry sauce. I am not exaggerating when I say he normally buys a jar of each whenever we grocery shop together. It's like an illness.

The Claps

I saw Transamerica today. And while I could discuss how good it was, and how amazing Felicty Huffman was, I think I'll save you the hassle and recommend you just look at the reviews on the movie's website. Everyone seems conviced that she will be an Oscar contender this year. And I would not disagree. Ben called, and I told him that the audience clapped at the end of the movie. We agreed that we hate people who clap. And we really hate two groups in particular: 1)End of movie clappers. 2)When a flight lands at the airport clappers. We further decided that these people shall now be known as those who have the Claps. Much like an STD, one would hope it isn't permanent, and that the instinct to clap will eventually fade away.

Sister time is over

Max's sister Tina left this week, and so did his father. And so did Max, for a conference. All of a sudden the house is empty, and I am finding remnants of everyone's stay. Holiday gifts still lying on the table, a few of grandmother's cookies in a tin, empty cosmetic jars in the bathroom trashcan. I never imagined I would travel as much, or have relatives who traveled as much as I do. We are always going or coming from somewhere... We have a very special relationship with airports. This trip with Tina was the best I've ever had. It's rare that Max and I get her to ourselves - as we usual visit her in Europe along with the rest of his family. We laughed and played a lot on her visit this time, and I was really sad to see her go. It is also nice to observe Max in her company. When I first met him, he spoke so lovingly about his mother and his sister -- a sure sign that he was a keeper! He treats her so nicely, and they make each other laugh a lot. When he was in Thailand he bought her the t-shirt she's wearing in the photo below - I think it was a very fitting choice. And of course, she loved it. (More family photos here.)

Tina's shirt from Thailand.

On our way to dinner at Chez Panisse.

First Thursday of 2006

On the first Thursday of every month, San Francisco has art openings. Many of the galleries do this, and it's a great chance to see work and catch up with people you know. Last night our friend Rachel had her big opening at Steven Wirtz. The work looked beautiful! And she seems really happy. I remember seeing her at my opening in November and feeling nervous and anxious, and she didn't appear to have that vibe, but when I hugged her hello, she was in fact a bit nervous. I suppose it's to be expected.

I saw some friends from CCA that I hadn't spoken with in a while, and enjoyed seeing the crowds of people present to look at art. San Francisco has a very loyal viewership. I saw Larry Sultan and Jim Goldberg there. Even though I know them and have said hello many times, I'm still intimidated when I see them. Their work is amazing. I smiled in their direction earlier that night, but when the gallery was closing, he came up to me and gave me a big kiss on the cheek twice. I suppose that's why he's so lovable.

The crowd at Wirtz. (Larry on the right)

Lang Lang tickles the ivories

Last night Max took Tina and I to the symphony to hear Lang Lang play. This guy is just 23 years old, and he plays so beautifully. He walked onstage in a full black velvet suit, and mesmerized the audience with his skill and passion for playing. It was very cool. But the evening was filled with freaks!

One of the downsides to the evening was the audience. A few rows behind us there was a kid with a very runny nose, and all night he sucked and sniffed his snot back up. Despite all the stares and glares from those around them, the parents did nothing to make him stop. Not even a nose blowing! Those of us who were suffering asked if anyone had a tissue we could give them, but it didn't happen. Who brings a sick kid to a classical concert?!? And then the man next to Tina started breathing weird. He kept taking tons of short breaths, as if he were doing the yoga 'breath of fire'. In the beginning I was laughing at it, but after a while I started wondering if the guy had tourette syndrome. I felt like I could hear him breathing through his nose even after we left the symphony hall. And then we hopped in a cab to get home, and it reeked of gasoline. I wondered if the driver had been huffing before we got in.

So anyway, the concert was great. My favorite was actually the first piece that the symphony played: Flight of the Icarus, but Lang Lang was very good. Yay Lang Lang!

Camera phone pics:

Outside the symphony hall.

Inside the symphony hall.

The annoying snot-sucker and his father.

Everything is connected.

The following happened to me on the way to work this morning...

My travels to the office require that I walk down to the subway, take the train to the east bay, and then I hop on a free shuttle bus to work. Once I got on the shuttle bus today, I noticed it was right before 9am. I am lucky and have a boss who doesn't watch the clock. If I'm a little late, I just stay a little late. It's as simple as that. When I hopped on the shuttle it filled up immediately. I'm normally at work by 8:45, so I don't usually deal with the 9am crowd, but I was running late today. I looked around and wondered if all these people have to be at work by 9, in which case they are probably late every day. And then I wondered if they all walk in each day, apologizing and blaming it on the shuttle. Then I thought about what I would do if I didn't have a boss as nice as mine. I would likely have to go in and explain that I would be late every morning by about 15 minutes, and that I would just leave 15 minutes later than I should. I would explain that getting to work earlier would require I find another way besides that shuttle. And I would push the fact that this shuttle is free. Which saves me money. Then I decided this imaginary boss would agree with that. Of course they would - because money often sways decisions in situations like these. It seems this is a language most understand. This thought led me to ponder the concept that money is often an idea more than a physical object. Funds are wire transferred, paychecks are deposited directly into accounts, things are bought with debit cards. I feel like I hardly see the actual money that goes in and out of my account. At this point I happened to look away from the road to the woman sitting across from me. She lifted up her book to turn the page, and I saw that the chapter she was reading was titled: MONEY IS AN IDEA.

This yet again proves that
A) I am obsessively living in my head and think too much.
B) Everything is connected.

And the eating just continues...

I've never had the fortune of eating meals cooked by my sister-in-law before. Man she is good! It must run in the family, because Max's mom is also an excellent cook, and we all know how I feel about the food Max makes me! Last night we ate a traditional German dish called reiberdatschi. This is a potato/sauerkraut pancake. Tina made these with spelt flour so I could eat them, and a sour cream/garlic sauce on the side. (vegan one for me) You can also add salmon if you like. And in that case, you may as well dab a little horseradish on it as well. It was superb!

More photos here.

Happy 2006!

We celebrated in a very mellow way last night, but it was awesome. The older I get, the more nervous I am in large, crazy crowds. I had no desire to be out partying, getting wasted and screaming in the new year with a bunch of people I don't know. Instead, we were at home, eating an awesome meal that Max, Tina and I prepared. Well, I was just the chopper, slicer, mixer person, but still - I participated in creating it! We ate a fish fondue: raw fish cooked into a broth, with different dipping sauces. Tina and Max made me two delicious vegan sauces - one was a creamy mayonnaise type sauce with cayenne pepper, and the other was a ginger soy sauce with honey. This was accompanied by steamed vegetables and marinated mushrooms. After dinner we sat and played UNO and chatted around the table. Tina took a nap, and then we all toasted in the new year together. Very nice and cozy. We heard lots of people start screaming in the streets when the clock struck midnight. Across from our building is a garage, and the cars were packed like sardines on the roof. The weather wasn't that cold last night, so I am sure all the hotels and bars were full to the brim! I am glad it's 2006. This is beyond the furthest date I ever imagined when I was younger, so it feels like anything is possible in some way. Happy January everyone!

For slide show, click here.