Lori Gordon | news: 04.05

Change of comments

I have changed the comments option on the blog. I have always used HaloScan, but lately it's been unreliable, so I am going to use what Blogger offers. It seems you can view the old comments if you look at the archived posts with it. But from now on, they will be directly attached to posts.

I'm sure no one cares about this, but I can't assume people don't read them.

Pitching

This Saturday, I will be participating in The Pitch at New Langton Arts. I printed out all my support materials on the large Epson printer today, and I feel ready. I've never done anything like this before, so it will be very interesting to see how things go. I feel a little nervous about being so exposed, but it will be good practice for any future endeavors in public speaking. Winners are announced for 1st, 2nd and 3rd place. An additional prize is given for Best Presentation (highest score for Presentation only). 1st place wins $200 cash; others win smaller amounts.

The Pitch, the brainchild of San Francisco artists Jon Rubin and Jason Mortara, is an evening of live art that revels in the promise of a good idea. The duo pre-screens and recruits fifteen individuals to pitch their original ideas to a live audience and panel of judges. The presenters compete for cash prizes, selling ideas brilliant and outlandish, pragmatic and fantastic.

The judges include a local building contractor, newscaster, brand strategist, librarian, urban planner and cognitive scientist. The Pitch privileges the idea over the work, the imagined over the realistic. And in the end, as any self-respecting car salesman will confess, it all comes down to the act of persuasion.

Freedom

If I think back, it's been over a year since things weren't 100% with my email account. I would contact the people who host my site and ask for help, but it was like that skit on SNL with Jimmy Fallon as the IT guy: MOVE!!! They never helped me in a language that I could understand, and quite often Max would have to decipher things and figure it out. Luckily he's a genius, so it always worked out. But lately people have been saying things. Things that make me sad. Things that make me so sad, they weren't even worthy of going on the Make Me Sad blog. Things like this: "Oh hey, I sent you an email but it bounced back." or "I tried to send you an email but I was daemoned." WHAT!!! Emails lost in the jungle I like to call the information super highway. No! It cant happen. I need my email. I need that to work. I don't sleep well if I know there are emails floating around.

Enter Captain Max. The superhero! Within 24 hours he backed up my whole site and blog; signed me up with a new host and made the switch. Within 24 hours people! It took God 7 days to make the earth, but only 24 hours for Max to make my life better.

So go ahead -- send me an email. I bet I'll get them all.

Be nice to foreigners

The other night Max and I were walking home from Cafe Royale. We passed a young woman (probably early 20's) who was standing on the sidewalk with what looked like all her belongings in bags and suitcases. She asked us (in a broken english) if we had a cell phone to call a cab and proceeded to burst into tears. Max immediately hugged her and told her everything was going to be alright. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed for a Yellow Cab. I never got through because they NEVER pick up, but Max just stood in the street and hailed one down. We then had to call the Hostel she was looking for to find out the address and then gave that to the cabbie. We helped her put all her bags in the trunk, and then Max gave her a business card with our number. I explained we lived close by, and she should call if she needed help.

I think about Max's story of his 'landing' at college when he started at UMass. He talks about arriving at the airport in Boston and then taking a bus for 3+ hours to Amherst. He then got off the bus in the late evening and stood there with his bags not knowing anyone, or where to go.

Even though I came to the States from another country, I spoke English as a first language and we had some family in the town we moved to. I was very lucky for all this, but still felt so alone and like such an outsider.

I am really glad Max is such a nice and helpful person. Watching the way he handled the situation with this woman just reminded that we should all remember what it feels like when it seems like we're all alone, and to stop and help someone when they're crying in the street rather than looking the other way.

Getting ready

The MFA exhibition approaches, and I am working like crazy to get it all done. Today I organized a photo shoot in my studio with some very helpful and supportive people in preparation for the show. I am printing two very large photos for the space, and the photographer did an amazing job (thanks Elise!!).

I am also printing a book that I will be giving away at the opening. 200 copies with a few pages of color images. I was doing well with the color pages until my printer died. Initially I felt like I was going insane, but as soon as I surrendered to the fact I'd need to buy a new one I felt a bit better. Say hello to my new faster and quieter printer. The Epson Stylus Photo R200. Oh yeah baby!

Hercules

This might be the cutest pug I've ever seen! He was sitting at the entrance to school the other day, and I couldn't resist but spend some time with him.

I am still smitten...

My friend Julie emailed me today, and sent me a new photo of her baby boy Jeffrey. I haven't seen either of them since December 03. It's so sad.... I am just blown away by how much he's grown, and how much more GORGEOUS he is. Thank god for email, the internet and digital cameras.

December 03

March 05 (blowing out his birthday candles)

Leisure

Last night was the opening of Downtime: Constructing Leisure curated by the inaugural class of the MA Program in Curatorial Practice. I know some of the people in that program, and it was so nice for the tables to be turned: I arrived at their opening, and wished them congrats!

Well Done to Maria del Carmen Carríon, Meredith Johnson, Jenée Misraje, Joseph del Pesco, Lee Plested, Aldo Sánchez, Anuradha Vikram and Tanya Zimbardo.

Josh Greene created the Leisure Fund for this show, and announced the winners and presented checks at the opening. Unfortunately I didn't win, but I love that something like this exists.

More pics here

The kind of email conversation only best friends can have...

I sent the following email:

"For one reason or another, you are currently on my mailing list. In the near future I will begin to start emailing about upcoming events and exhibitions I'm involved with. If you do not want to be on this list, just send me an email and I'll remove you."

"I want you to email me about EVERYTHING."

"Everything??"

"No, Lori, EVERYTHING."

"Even the rash?"

"Yes, Lori. Even the rash."

He deserves a medal

For anyone who knows me well, it is plainly obvious that I am a neurotic person. Or as I like to call it: a head dweller. I spend hours thinking about useless things, that most people don't give a second thought to. I worry and wonder and ponder and sometimes freak out. At the moment, I have roughly 4.5 weeks left until my thesis is due, MFA exhibition and Graduation. In reality, I have just a handful of things to take care of, but in my head, there is loads to be done. I have made multiple lists of each task, breaking things down and then making more lists of the breakdown. It's ridiculous. I am my own worst enemy. I don't feel capable of making any decisions, and the procrastination does not help the neurotic behavior. Some are blaming my incapacity to choose printing options for the thesis or paint colors for the wall on Mercury being in retrograde. I certainly have never felt this unsure and insecure before, so I am willing to blame it on that too. Damn you Mercury!

Max had to attend a function at Berkeley today, and the dishes in the kitchen have reached astronomical proportions. I was firmly planted on the couch with my laptop, doing some research - in my pajamas - with frizzy hair. I'm sure I looked just gorgeous. And just when you think he'd gladly take the chance to run off to this event, to avoid my hysterics, to avoid the creatures growing in the sink... he turns to me and tells me he wishes he could stay home and hang out.

GULP.

(I think if you listen closely, you can hear my heart breaking just a little)

Photo shoot

Found these really cute pics of Max and I. They were taken with a Digital Canon Rebel.

Click for more

First Thursday with Erik

Last night was our friend Erik's art opening at Hang. The work was fantastic, and I snapped a few of my favorite details and paintings. It made me feel very proud to hear people around me saying how much they liked the work, and how impressed they were with his drawing skills.

I'm trying a new way of viewing pics. Click on the photo to see a slideshow from the opening.

Weston

Normally, I just add artists I like to the sidebar links. But my friend Weston deserves an entire post! His work is really amazing and insightful. Not only does he have the skills, he also has something important (dare I say political?) to say with his work. His most recent mural on the wall of his studio is so beautiful. I hate to think that it will have to be destroyed at some point, due to the temporary nature of it's location.

Please peruse his beautifully designed website, and take a look at the wonder that is Weston Teruya.

Nigerian Scam

A few months ago, I received an email from someone in Nigeria, explaining they wanted to give their parent's some of my artwork for their anniversary. It smelled fishy and the amount they were offering was very high. I noticed after a first read that the email seemed to be sent to someone at DarkVomit.com, not me. So, when I responded I CC'd that person.

Rather quickly, that person wrote back and warned me it was all a scam. I did some research online, and found all this to be true. The group asks you to charge the artwork to their credit card, and then scams it back somehow. There ended up being loads of sites around the world, warning of these Nigerian scams.

Who better to prey on financially than a group of people who generally tend to struggle extensively?!?!?! I cut the correspondence with the Nigerian fairly fast, but Kelly at DarkVomit.com continued on, and sent me this hilarious collection of emails. I now share it with you.

Nigerian: Brown text
Kelly: Red text

Hello Artist, my name is ann kay i will like to have your artworks as gifts from your gallery for my parent who are celebrating their 30th wedding annivasarys ,the shipping through DHL OR FEDEX,TO NIGERIA so i will be gald to have yourreply asap :i will be glad if you can send me your website address to chooseor send me four of your art that is availble for me to choose and the pricerange from you.the price range is $1500 to $2000. payment will be make by my credit card for you to charge. Visa Or Master Card.
thanks.
ann kay

You sound like such a pleasant person to do this for your parents 30th Wedding annivarsary! I have four paintings I would have no problems sending your way for the sum of $8,000.

(That is rather a fair price for my original works of art.) My work is in the permanent art collection of King Phartsalot and is often hailed as magically delicious with lions and tigers and bears... oh my. Often when I set foot in some lands that my art has graced... A feroucious lion appears and accompanies me ready to lick the scabs of the fruit loop Sam.

Really.

Everything is true.

That is why my art is $8,000 (not a penny less) ...what a coincidence that your price is within that range... ?

contact me back... I am a starving artist.

Kelly

Thanks for your mail, am so intrested in your artwork for gifts for my parents, i will be glad if you can forward 3 art that is avialable for me to choose between them and ttheir price this will make ie easy for me , i hope you can help me to do that, i will be counting on you.
thanks ann

Hi Ann,

Thank you again so much for your interest. I am very excited to release brand new works I am working on exclusively for you. Each piece took nearly 8,000 hours to complete using one of the worlds most powerful paint programs. I only have 2 at the moment. (The pictures are attached) I call it "How Your Parents Met"...

I feel quite fortunate that I have met your aquantince... and very much looking forward to future correspondence. Due to the long amounts of time and thought that went into the pieces. The lowest I could possibly go would be $10,000 a piece for them.

Considering it is a present for your parents... I would be willing to negotiate.

Please let me know.

Best Regards,
Kelly

Thanks for your reply,am higly intrested in your pots that is why i choose this one below you can quote me the total price plus the shipping through TNT or FEDEx,so that i can forward my card for you to charge for the payment.i will be glad if you can let me know all the info through my email address. painter1.jpgqty-------1. shipping address20,aladesuru street apaajaomushin Lagos Nigeria 23401
hope to hear from you today
Thanks ann

Hi Ann,

I am glad you like the big penis and boobies. ...You chose well and I am sure your parents will be quite pleased when they recieve it.

I will be sending King Phartsalot the other piece of artwork as he has agreed to pay the $10,000. His little people of his kingdom are quite happy with his selection and will be celebrating by drinking gallons of vinegar through their noses.

I would very much like to make the sale with you as well. The $10,000 is shipping included. I have it boxed up and ready to be shipped out to you. I am ready for payment and will do anything it takes to help out. ...upon all people that buy my artwork, I reveal my secret name. Since I feel I can trust you, now...

I am going to tell you what it is...

It is John Jacob Jingle Hiemer Schmidt. ...only special people who buy my art know of this name. ..and I want you to start calling me it from now on or I will not respond to your emails

Yours Truly,
John Jacob Jingle Hiemer Schmidt
(and bingo was name oh)

Hello John Jacob,Thanks for your helter sklter concerning my parent gift. Am okay with the total price of the one a. I will forward my credit card information for you to charge later today or tomorrow. Meanwhile, I will also need your favour, I will like to include another unique gift for my Parent with the artwork so I have decide to buy them a camera phone. So I want you to help me get this new model (Nokia 7610 camera phone unlock triband OR Sony Ericsson P910i camera phone unlock triband) in any local retail store around you so that I can make the payment once and for all. I will compensate for the inconveniences the sum of $200. So get back to me with the price of the phones, I will need 3 pieces, so that you can ship everything to me at once. Await for your response and if you can do this for me I will be more than happy. Regards ann.

Hi Ann,

I looked into getting a phone to include with the order and that sounds like a marvelous idea. Of course... I'll include two phones with the order so that your parents can tell me how much they like the big boobies and big penis when they receive it.

Since it is a gift... I will go out and buy the phones for you if you would like and I will mail them with the art piece. The total price for all my efforts will be $10,300. (discount for you only)

I happen to have one of the phones you have mentioned. The other day, a lady cut me off on the freeway because she was talking on her cell phone. I noticed she had a poodle in the back seat... so I chased her down and beat up her poodle unconscious. The lady started screaming hysterically... until I had to back hand her and call her a playa-hata. Her cell phone dropped from her hand when I did that... and I picked it up and called my buddy to see what time Jerry Springer was on the television. He told me 4. I said cool... I'll be there. Then... this big guy came up to me and started talking shit. He said that he was this lady's husband or something. Then I saw black. I woke up in the hospital with a bloody phone in my hand and glow in the dark licorice taffy in my butt. My teeth are gone and I'm confused.

---but I have the phone. I can send you that one, or I can go ahead and buy you another.

Is it difficult to buy a phone in Nigeria?

Please let me know what you want me to do. ..and when you can send payment.

Yours truly,
John Jacob JingleHeimer Schmidt

hello , How are you today? I hope fine,.i want you to get back to me today, I am stilll expecting your mail, concerning the total price of the GIFT So i will like to read from you today.Waiting to read from you.thanksann

Hi Ann,

Did you get my last email? I have the phones you wish.

It looks like I'm gonna really need that money for the gift to your parents. When is their wedding annivarsary? I hope I do not miss it.

The lady I backhanded on the freeway is suing me, now. It appears, I slapped her so hard that one of her eyeballs popped out. I don't know what the big deal is... --she has two eyes you know. I told her to go the mortician and he'll hook her up with a nice glass one. ..but Oh no! that's not good enough for her. --Also her poodle has brain damage and is on life support (due to the beating.) I told them that the poodle probably wouldn't want to live that way and they should really pull the feeding tube...

Anyways...

...This is all because I was trying to get a phone for you... so that your parents will be happy on their annivarsary. Now that I do not hear from you I am concerened. King Phartsalot has recieved the other art piece and is quite pleased.

I know your parents will be horny after they recieve the gift and will party like it's 1999.

Sincerely,
John Jacob JingleHiemerSchmidt

hello Kelly, How are today? I hope all is well. Sorry for the late reply and sorry for what happen. Now i want you to get back to me with the total price of either of the two MODEL that i list for you today and the wedding annivarsary is going to be next week so i want everything to ship out before then.
So i will be waiting for your reply as soon as possilbe.

thanks

Ann.

Hi Ann,

I am very glad you are still interested in the art piece and the phones. One phone has some blood stains on it. The other one I bought brand new for you.

The total costs with shipping is going to be $10,300.

I will have no problems in going to the post office and shipping the package out to you. ...as I want your parents to really enjoy their wedding annivarsary.

Once you get the phones and the art... Will you call me on them and tell me how much your parents like the gift? I would love to speak with your parents and tell them what a great person you are.

In fact... I bet you are a really caring person. ---I feel like I can really trust you.

Last night, I started thinking about you Ann. I haven't experinced such strong feelings for someone, since my last exgirlfriend in which had to file a restraining order on me. I'm not a wierdo or anything... but I can't help but wonder Ann... I am married so please do not tell me my wife. Right now... It looks like I'm going to be spending some time in prison, because of that stupid bitch and her poodle. Life just isn't fair. Anyways... I can't help but wonder if you are single. I am looking for a "real" woman to impregnate me and give me lots of welfare babies I can't afford. (I heard they take it easy on you in prison when you are pregnant and a guy) -plus I heard that some company will pay me a million dollars to be the first male to carry a child. Please respond with pictures of yourself... --and an address in which I can ship the art and phones out to you. My court costs and fines are starting to add up... so I am going to be in need of that money very badly here shortly. How did you want to pay for it?

Please let me know.
My biological clock is ticking.

Yours forever,
John Jacob Jingle Hiemerschmidt

hello Kelly, How are today? I hope all is well. Sorry for the late reply and sorry for what happen. Now i want you to get back to me with the total price of either of the two MODEL that i list for you today and the wedding annivarsary is going to be next week so i want everything to ship out before then.
So i will be waiting for your reply as soon as possilbe.

thanks

Ann.

Hello,

I don't understand your email. It is the same email that you sent to me already.

What gives?

I told you the final price 3 times now. It is $10,300 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I already have the phones and they are packed with the art piece. What is your address that you want me to ship to? Also... how come you are not calling me John Jacob JinglehiemerSchmidt?

I am losing my patience with you. I will no longer respond to you if you do not call me by my secret name.

Also... are you single or what? I'm getting a bit tired of you playing hard to get. Do you give it up on the first date or am I gonna have to take you to BurgerKing or something?

Yours still,
John Jacob JingleHiemerSchmidt

Hello
Thanks for geting back to me. This is the shipping address below:-

36 Aladesuru Streetpapa ajaomushinLagos 23401.Nigeria

Meanwhile i will send you my credit card information first thing tommorrow moreing. and i will like to know the type of phones that you bougth for my parent.
thanks

Ann

Hello,Thanks for your effort on my order. Am still expecting your response to my mail. SO that we can make some progress.
Am counting on you
Regards
ann

Hello Ann,

I have only delayed my response with you because you no longer are calling me by my secret name... John Jacob JingleHiemerschmidt.

I do not understand why you cannot follow a simple intruction. Jesus Christ. I hope your parents had other children that are smarter for their sake...
...anyways.

The gift. I have everything packed and ready to be shipped out. I have included pictures of the two phones I will be sending with the order. I hope that they are good enough for your approval. How are you going to pay for it...? and I would like to see pictures of you dressed up like a chicken.

Please respond.

Yours truly,
John Jacob Jinglehiemerschmidt

----By the way... my feelings are REALLY starting to grow.

Hello JingleHiemerschmidt, Thanks for your response. Here is my card info to charge the whole total amount for the phones and the order from you.. charge the cards equally...
Card info below:card type:
visa cardcard number:xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxexpiry date: 03/08Cvv number: 401
card type: visa cardcard number: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
expiry date: 02/06Cvv number: 490
card type: visa cardcard number xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxexpiry date: 03/08Cvv number: 401
Regards
ann

hello JingleHiemerschmidt, How are you today? I hope all is fine. And why is that i have not have from you since all this day? And i am sure that you have make your charges. So i want you to get back to me today so that we can make progress.
thanks
Ann

Hello Ann,

I thank you for using my secret name. ...only the priviledged even know about it.

It is quite genorous to allow me to charge both cards equally. That is a very nice tip.

I went ahead and tried to put it through. But it said it was over the limit? I tried $10,300 and put it in about 6 times and it keeps saying it's over the limit. ...Actually. Now that I think about it... maybe the first three times worked. ---I'm not sure... now.

Anyways... I did this on both cards. When I sober up a little... I'll go ahead and try to pack up all this crap you want from me. You are so lucky that I have so much patience.

I am getting a little tired of trying to figure out why you are ignoring my sexual advances and still playing hard to get. I have asked for your hand in marriage... and for me to bear your child... and you only seem to care about these stupid phones. I bought them because I thought you cared. I might just smash them to pieces before I pack them, now. Would you care if they were in pieces?

I demand a picture of you wearing a chicken costume hopping up and down on one foot, now. ...Or the phones will be broken and your parents will have a horrible annivarsary and it's all your fault.

Do not let me or your parents down on this one. Do it for your country.

Your Sweet Little Blue Butter Cup,
John Jacob JinglehiemerSchmidt

FUCK YOU,
MOTHERFUCKER,
IDIOT,
STUPID ASSSSSSSOOOOOOOO

Open Studios 2005

Yesterday was the 2nd open studios event at school. The weather was crappy, so I don't feel the turnout was what it could have been. But none the less, I still saw lots of people and lots of work. It started pouring just as the BBQ was about to begin and people pooled into the classroom at the courtyard. It was the biggest body count I've ever seen in there. I spoke to a few prospective students and tried to convince them of the wonder that is CCA. I ate some yummy red pepper-tomato soup, and looked at lots of art. Here are a few things that caught my eye.

my studio set up